Etiquette In Swinging
The following article was written by Kenn & Lisa, P.O. Box 246, Alameda, CA 94501, and sums up swingers' etiquette better than anything else I have found. It has been reprinted many times, but should be mandatory reading for any swingers, experienced or new: We however have added 17, 18, and 19 to the list. All of us want to be successful as swingers. It doesn't matter how often, with whom, where, or in what style we swing. One of the nicest things about our lifestyle is that most of us relate to each other with understanding, thoughtfulness, and common courtesy; just as we ourselves wish to be treated. Think C.S.A.S.C. (Common Sense and Social Courtesy). If you employ the following suggestions or adapt them to your own situation, you should become a welcome participant. 1. BE COURTEOUS - Be aware that this is a lifestyle full of insecurities, uncertainties and fears. Courteously is how we all want to be treated - with kindness, thoughtfulness, understanding and sensitivity. In essence, courtesy is our treating people the way we ourselves want to be treated. Remember the Golden and Silver rules. 2. BE FRIENDLY - Whether or not you are personally interested in swinging with someone, be polite. You never know, you may share many other interests or
you may meet that person again, and they may introduce you to someone with whom you ARE compatible and do wish to share time. 3. RESPOND TO ALL INVITATIONS - RSVP means please reply to the invitation. It does NOT mean reply only if you plan to attend. The most frustrating part of hosting, be it a party, a group or another couple, is people who are discourteous enough not to respond, PERIOD. Good etiquette and good social courtesy DEMAND you respond, by either calling or writing to say yes OR no. 4. NEVER ARRIVE EMPTY HANDED - When you go to someone's home for a party, ask if there is something you can bring. (it's amazing how many supplies, other than food are used up at an average party.) If you are not going as a couple, a house- gift is appropriate (and not necessarily wine.) 5. GO PREPARED - Take whatever you personally are going to need with you. Carry a small overnight bag for lingerie or robe, hairbrush, comb, toothbrush, cologne, intimate cleansing articles, condoms, etc. If you plan to stay over, sleeping bags or blankets and pillows are necessities. 6. CLEANLINESS - Nothing turns a person off faster and more effectively than an unclean body or unfresh breath. Even if you shower and perfume yourself before you leave home, it is always a good idea to freshen up again when you arrive at your destination. It is amazing what time to drive somewhere, stop for a bite, or whatever, can do or rather UNDO. 7. RESPECT OTHERS' FEELINGS - Beware, not everyone is comfortable in all situations, Keep your eyes open for signs that your partner, as well as others, is relaxed and enjoying themselves. If someone is not comfortable, try helping them over the rough spots. Remember, you were a beginner once yourself. If it is obvious that things are not working out, remain polite and courteous; but alert the host. Keep in mind that not all people feel the same about things. 8. DON'T BE PUSHY - If you are interested in swinging with someone, let them know in an inviting way; if they are interested, they will respond positively. If they are not and say "No, thank you," do not ask WHY. No amount of sweet talk or coercion on your part will change their mind and will probably work against you. Everyone has the right to say "NO" at all times, to anyone, without explanation. Do not ever forget that. 9. ONLY DO WHAT IS FUN FOR YOU - Do not allow yourself to become sexually involved with anybody that you are not interested in. There is no reason to involve yourself in a scene that you are not comfortable with. You are in the lifestyle to enjoy yourself, so only do what you want, when you want and with whom you want. 10. HOW AND WHY TO SAY NO - One of the basic etiquettes in swinging is the right of anyone to say "No". Experience has taught most people that everybody is not right for everybody else. Improper handling of a situation, however, can lead to a lot of hurt or very bad feelings. The swing world accepts the premise that everyone has the right to say "No" to anyone at anytime and it should be done with a simple "No, thank you". Never give an explanation, because that is what usually causes the problems and the pain. 11. ALCOHOL OR DRUGS - Most of us do not use drugs, although some of us drink socially. At times, a few drinks are nice to help you "relax". Over-indulging may hamper your physical abilities, as well as offend or turn other people off to you. If you have to over indulge in order to participate in swinging, you are involved in the wrong lifestyle. 12. PRACTICE SAFER SEX - It is up to us to protect ourselves as well as our partners. With the present concern over sexually transmitted diseases such as syphilis, gonorrhea, aids, yeast infection, etc., the use of condoms should not offend anybody. Anyone not willing to take this precaution is acting selfishly and irresponsibly. You are not being accused of being unclean, but simply someone wishes to provide you both with protection. 13. CALL TO SAY THANKS - Most people only use the telephone if they are going to go somewhere. Lost seems to the social ambiance of a 'Thank-You Note' or phone call to someone whose hospitality you enjoyed. It means a lot to most people, and they will surely remember you when planning their next event. Don't you like to be thanked? 14. BE GOOD HOSTS - When you have people coming to your home, try to anticipate their needs: put clean sheets on the beds; keep plenty of clean washcloths and towels available. Show your guests through the house so that they will know where the bathrooms, kitchen, and other rooms are located. 15. ANSWERING ADS - All replies to an ad should be answered in two weeks even if it is a No. Remember not all people you write to are interested in you or your partners sexual heroics. A first letter should include a brief description of yourselves, where you saw the ad, your ad number and your social and sexual interests. An SASE should be included with your original reply as many couples receive a large number of replies which can be costly to reply to. 16. ENJOY YOURSELF - Most important, have a good time, act out your fantasies, explore your own sexuality and enjoy everything this lifestyle has to offer with enthusiasm, laughter and a positive attitude. 17. KISS & TELL - Never ever Kiss and Tell. After having sexual relations with someone do not go and tell other fellow lifestyle couples that you played with another couple. It is considered to be tacky as many couples like to keep private who they have sexual relations with. 18. PLAY ASSUMPTIONS - Just because you have had a sexual encounter with another couple does not mean that the next time you see them out and about at a lifestyle event to expect a repeat. You should approach the situation almost as if it’s the first time making no assumptions for any kind of play, flirting and even kissing and feeling up on the other couple. 19. WAIT UNTIL YOUR TURN - While attending any lifestyle event and you see two couples talking for a while and what looks like they are making progress to hook up. Even if you know one of the couples never push your way into the mix. Stop by introduce yourself and possibly hope to be invited to stay or make a connection for next time, but never push yourself in and another couple out. There is always going to be a next time so don’t rush it and jeopardize friendships.
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